The Implications of Understanding—for Performance and Beyond

Take a moment and consider the implications of this statement: If a person who doesn’t know that feelings can only generate from within gets insecure or angry, it will appear logical (to that person) to blame these feelings on the nearest circumstance or individual. — What implications occurred to you? Domestic violence? Road rage? Bullying?… Read More

The Why

Last week, I received a call from a college baseball player who dreams of becoming a US Marine following his graduation this spring. He called to chat about preparing for the upcoming season, school, and life in general. But there was also a troubling “issue” with his Marine application that he wanted to discuss: In… Read More

Listening and Learning

Here’s a statement which, at first glance, may seem contradictory: To deeply understand or learn something, it’s essential that you do not approach learning from a personal perspective. Why? Because no one can listen, I mean really listen, and be selfish at the same time; listening requires an open mind. The great teacher and mentor,… Read More

Self-help?

Self-help. A term completely misunderstood. How can entire industry call itself one thing and deliver the exact opposite? Have you ever read a self-help book in which the author didn’t offer his or her ideas, strategies, or techniques for feeling or performing better? Me neither. And there you have it: Someone else’s ideas, strategies, or… Read More

Coaching Paradigms: Inside-Out versus Outside-In

I’ve received many questions about last week’s coaching article. The most frequent revolved around what an inside-out coaching (mentoring or counseling) paradigm looks like compared to an outside-in one. This week, I’ve done my best to succinctly clear that up. So here goes: Outside-in coaches: Offer techniques, tools, strategies, prescriptions, or fix-it methods. Link a person’s… Read More

Twenty-Two Uncommon Ideas for Coaches to Consider

Below, in no specific order, are what I deem to be the most important and often-overlooked ideas for coaches (or mentors of any kind) to consider. I’ve listed them without further explanation because I’d like you to reflect on the list and see what makes sense for you. After that, if you have questions, please reach… Read More

About Practice

When the demon is at your door, in the morning it won’t be there no more… —Steely Dan — One criticism of my work, including my books, is that I don’t offer ways to practice the lessons I teach. One reviewer of Stillpower even said: “I continued reading the book in hopes of learning how… Read More

The Order of Things

Here’s an out-of-the-ordinary question: What comes first, a situation or a feeling? If you’re a hockey player, for instance, does scoring a goal lead to an elevated feeling state or does an elevated feeling state lead to scoring a goal? Although our feelings and perceptions of the world outside come and go so quickly that… Read More

Raw Emotion, Plain Truth

Here’s something fascinating that happens to many of my new clients: When they consider that their feelings are created from within them, and are not the result of something that’s going on in their lives, they say, “Inside-out feels so familiar; so right. Why have I never heard about this before?” Indeed, that’s what takes… Read More

In Control

Have you ever heard a coach, teacher, employer, or parent say: “Control the things you can control; don’t worry about what you can’t control”? I’ve heard it plenty, and it never felt quite right to me. Just the other day, a well-known productivity expert gave an example of this line of thinking. He said, “You… Read More